She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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