I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's the barista slut.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
