office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
