Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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