thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
