Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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