after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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