Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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