I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
