if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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