just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
