No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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