Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
