her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
