I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
