So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
