I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
