Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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