How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
