Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
