Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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