Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
