obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
