Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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