i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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