Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
