I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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