Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
