At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
