she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize