Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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