Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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