you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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