i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
