Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The power of my boobs compel you
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
