i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
