well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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