She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
