ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's rum buckets o'clock
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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