So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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