let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
