i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
