Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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