Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
