people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize