I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
