I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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