So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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