she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
