if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
