So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
