So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
