i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
