sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize