Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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