you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
