Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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