Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
