You can't special order awesome
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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