We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
