I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
