i permit you to call me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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