Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
