if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize