barbara walters just said penis...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
