i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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