Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
