the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
